This is My Apology

I hate you.

I hate you for loving me so much that regardless of the many times I pushed you away, you’re still there.

I hate you for the times you followed me secretly to make sure that I’m okay, that I’m not getting drunk, because we both were hurting.

I hate you for making me experience doubts because you are imperfect, and I knew to myself how difficult it is to love me.

But then I understand now and four years are enough for me to write an apology

I’m sorry for making it difficult for you to love me when I said loving is simple

I’m sorry for making it even more complicated when you showed me that it can be simple

I’m sorry because there were times that I didn’t believe in you, in us

I’m sorry I looked for love elsewhere and sought other things, put you last…

and even now, I am not sure I will be your best future wife, even if you told me that.

Maybe, as my good friend said in her wedding vow, this is grace, God’s grace, and when it’s from God, it hits you right in the major artery, you can’t seem to say no to such a wonderful kind of love

I’m sorry…

I’m sorry for not seeing grace in you, for not considering you a blessing, for asking so much more, for not being content

I’m sorry but I promise to love you now, more, even better than tomorrow… đŸ™‚

 

 

 

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The Last

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It was 8pm. I was driving with a close friend, listening to her rants about the difficult exam she had just taken on Copyright Law. We were going  out because it was a Friday night and we both had exams that week. Somehow, we feel entitled to those little getaways, little rewards to get us through Law School. She’s been telling me how she wanted to already quit school. She’s got a kid and now, runs a restaurant with her younger sister and works at the Department of Agrarian Reform. Traffic. Chance encounter. There was you. Getting off the jeepney in front of my car. You walked across the street. We said hi and goodbye. If I had’nt left that lane, I would’ve been stuck in traffic until now.

 

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